First, Piers Morgan came for Ellen Degeneres, without reply.
The British television personality wasn’t happy that he was criticised for complimenting the legs of I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here host Holly Willoughby — so he called the Ellen host a “hypocrite” for celebrating men with a “drooling” montage on International Men’s Day.
Then, he came for Little Mix — the all-girl group whose track “Joan of Arc” on new record LM5 features an accusatory male voice questioning, “Oh, you are the feminist type?”, with the lyrical riposte, “Hell yeah, I am!”
Previously, Morgan had squealed in hysteria at the naked photo shared by the band as they announced their new album. It provoked Little Mix to call Morgan an “idiot”, among other things, in an interview with Nick Grimshaw on BBC Radio 1. Morgan then played the clip on his daily TV show Good Morning Britain, demanding an apology.
“There's no need for young female pop stars, with millions of young female fans, to use nudity to sell records,” Morgan later tweeted on Wednesday evening. “It's tacky and sends the wrong message.”
But then, Icarus-like, he came for Jean Grande, mother of Ariana, arguably the world’s biggest popstar.
Think The Wizard of Oz — with a very large house slowly circling overhead, ready to crash down at any moment.
Honestly what is wrong with you @piersmorgan ? Didn’t your mother ever teach you, if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say it! You came for @TheEllenShow yesterday which was disgraceful, she is an angel. @LittleMix today, did you ever hear of paying homage? And..well never mind https://t.co/5WBOlL8t6O— Joan Grande (@joangrande) November 21, 2018
Have her call me... it’s not about being afraid, that’s a cop out; and we all know in America that everyone has the right to speak their minds, but trash talk for the sake of denigrating women doing their jobs is at best misogynistic and at worst undignified and ignorant!— Joan Grande (@joangrande) November 21, 2018
This is my last engagement with you... however, speaking honest truths and opinions is not a right of men only. Reflect on your behavior and interaction with them, most likely they called you that for good reason.. #ThankUNext— Joan Grande (@joangrande) November 21, 2018
The two exchanged barbs about motherhood, freedom of speech, and what women can and can’t do with their own bodies.
Until Ariana Grande came for Morgan, that is, with seven silver tweets.
That’s seven shots fired — one for each of Morgan’s horcruxes.
If God is a woman, does that make Morgan a heretic? Or worse — irrelevant?
Ellen is an incredible & kind human being.. I use my talent AND my sexuality all the time because i choose to. women can be sexual AND talented. naked and dignified. it’s OUR choice. 🖤 & we will keep fighting til people understand. i say this w all due respect but thank u, next. https://t.co/wSknRSlJN8— Ariana Grande (@ArianaGrande) November 21, 2018
keep fighting the fight divas @LittleMix 🖤 your sisters have your back— Ariana Grande (@ArianaGrande) November 21, 2018
also @piersmorgan, i look forward to the day you realize there are other ways to go about making yourself relevant than to criticize young, beautiful, successful women for everything they do. i think that’ll be a beautiful thing for you and your career or what’s left of it. 🖤— Ariana Grande (@ArianaGrande) November 21, 2018
when u do it it’s ok tho right? https://t.co/FJyF24ZlYx— Ariana Grande (@ArianaGrande) November 21, 2018
nah and it ain’t ur girls’ either i can promise u that— Ariana Grande (@ArianaGrande) November 21, 2018
anyway— Ariana Grande (@ArianaGrande) November 21, 2018
thank u fuckin next— Ariana Grande (@ArianaGrande) November 21, 2018
Ellen Degeneres joined the fray, offering her support to the Grande’s with trademark good vibes and a scithing subtweet — which Morgan duly retweeted with green sick face emojis. The sisterhood grew stronger as they were joined by Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, the US policitian who will become the youngest Congresswoman in history when she takes office in January 2019.
Oh, and Grande’s fanbase couldn’t resist a few jabs too.
Get ‘em! 💪🏽 https://t.co/xKZlGBlgyV— Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (@Ocasio2018) November 21, 2018
me too. we’re so much stronger together! 🖤 love u.— Ariana Grande (@ArianaGrande) November 21, 2018
I AM DECEASED pic.twitter.com/sLtH2fPRmY— Daniel Power (@danielnadine) November 21, 2018
hahaha thank u, next. pic.twitter.com/OPUxfHPN1w— gigi (@clinkclinkbish) November 21, 2018
“Never wrestle with a pig. You just get dirty and the pig enjoys it” pic.twitter.com/XbpmsjQdb2— Peter Robinson (@Popjustice) November 21, 2018
So what have we learned?
Well, ICYMI, Little Mix are fighting Michael Bublé and Mumford & Sons for their second UK #1 album this week; Ariana Grande will have a Mean Girls inspired music video for “thank u, next” coming out any second; Ellen Degeneres is still very nice; and Piers Morgan will soon find something fresh to moan about.
But also: if you’re an old dude, don’t hate on younger women for how they express their sexuality. It’s not for you; it will never be for you; and it’s weird that you want to talk about it all the time. Next.
Maybe we should just let Little Mix have the last word.
“Take off all my makeup, ‘cause I love what’s under it,” they sing on “Strip” from LM5. “Rub off all your words, don’t give up, I’m over it.”